THE MOVIE BUFF

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Being a film buff, you kind of see everything in real life as like a plot in a movie. You act it out because you want your life to resemble the movies.

So, when I first met Jane it was exactly that… a plot in a movie.

A cute romantic movie. I saw her outside the coffee shop. In fact, we accidentally bumped into each other and she spilled coffee down my shirt and then the awkward anger turned to romance and we were emailing each other long love letters every day. And I am reading them out with Bon-Jovi in the background.

But like any movie, you need conflict.

So, I was a jerk the first couple of dates and then she met somebody new at work but lo and behold, as I stood outside her front steps with a bouquet of roses and said those words;

There’s nobody that ever made me feel the way you made me feel.

She was back in my arms again, and it was like Jerry Maguire (you had me at hello) or When Harry Met Sally (when he lists all the things he loves about her). And we fell into each other’s arms and we were kissing and it was a perfect rom-com!

But that’s the thing with movies. They have to end. And then… another movie comes along.
After we’d fallen madly in love, the Rom-Com had ended and we had to find something else to live off.
She was sitting on my sofa. She’d not been to my house before. I gave her a glass of wine. We snuggled up to a movie (I don’t just live movies, I watch them). And then there was a knock on the door. My senses heightened. People don’t usually knock on my door this time of night… and I am just a young man that lives alone.

Honey; you get it. I said.

She gets up and walks towards the door and I hear her sigh and moan as she answers the door. But as the door slams behind her, her moaning turns to screaming. I run out into the hallway and I’m screaming too. There’s a man wearing a black hood with the eyes cut out and he’s stabbing my girlfriend to death in the hallway.

And he turns towards me, the knife in his hand, and he’s walking towards me and then he takes the mask off.

Ok, Paul, she’s dead. We gotta clean this up now. - the Killer said.

Oh, for God’s sake Marvin, can you not stay in character more than ten minutes. This is meant to be my slasher movie!!! - I shout back.

This was so much easier when I was doing it on my own but what the hell. This was meant to be my horror plot. But Marvin doesn’t care about the plot lines, he just wants to do the killing.

Grab her legs - I said.

The moment was totally ruined. 

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